Showing posts with label amend divorce act. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amend divorce act. Show all posts

Monday, November 16, 2009

Custody battles in the age of Internet chats

I'm surprised this judge had the temerity to actually allow this father some degree of solace to see his children physically. They typically only serve those with "boobs" out of misguided chivalry, patriarchy, and their self-loathing of masculinity. This self loathing is evident in the 90% of physical custody given to moms. They do not believe their own gender has parental capability without "mommy" in control. In this case the judge may be female but they typically follow the same rules to add to the cult of single motherhood with dad as the visitor.


In this era of unilateral divorce mom always wins and dad is marginalized. In this case he appears to have a steep financial price for seeing his children 2 days a week. At least he gets to see them and hug them physically so the children have less chance of being alienated but not guaranteed. I will bet this woman will use whatever means are available to get her way. If they get to OZ it is highly unlikely he will see them again as the courts in that country have the same favouritism toward the mom. Whatever happened to the Charter of Rights in terms of gender equality?

I forgot to mention for those male readers unfamiliar with the Family Court System this is typical of how men (dads) are treated. I can guarantee, based on the balance of probabilities, this will happen to you even if you were the best dad in the world. The judges act as social engineers creating negative consequences for the children and orchestrate a vast transfer of wealth from men to single moms across this nation. The profiteers are lawyers and by creating dysfunction for the children in single parent homes they guarantee future business as these children are far more likely to come in contact again with the judicial system.

Lets do a little math to see the real face of gender apartheid in Canada. The mans income is $200,000.00 per year. In BC the marginal tax rate on that income is 43.7%. His tax bill before taking personal exemptions is $81,400.00. He is left with $118,600.00. Out of this he is obliged to give his ex who unilaterally walked out because she got "wet" over another man $91,200.00 in tax free money. The marginal rate on that is 38.29%. That is an equivalent before tax income of $125,856.00. The dad is left with $17,400.00 to cover all his costs including any extra health insurance for the children, life insurance, vacations ( not going to happen) etc. He can take no deductions for this transfer of wealth in order to reduce his taxes. The time for equal shared parenting is upon us. How the government can get away with this kind of clear gender sexism and bias is beyond my comprehension. MJM



I've sent my rant off to the Prime Minister, Justice Minister Nicholson, the Canadian Judicial Council and my local political Federal and Provincial representatives along with advocacy groups across Canada.







Shannon Kari, National Post Published: Monday, November 16, 2009

More On This Story

Daily contact by video conference over the Internet is not sufficient access between a father and his children, a judge in British Columbia has ruled in turning down a mother's request to move to Australia.

The decision issued by B.C. Supreme Court Justice Hope Hyslop last week is the latest in an increasing number of family law disputes where one of the parents has proposed using online software such as Skype when seeking to move with their children a great distance from their former spouse. In at least four other cases in the past year, judges in B.C., Alberta and Ontario have cited Skype as one of the reasons that a parent was permitted to separate a child from the other parent.

"Electronic communication is not as desirable as in-person access, but it does allow for the child to keep in touch with her dad every day if she

so wishes," said B.C. Supreme Court Justice Deborah Satanove in a recent decision.

The judge ruled in favour of a Vancouver woman taking her 12-year-old child to live with her in Spain, for at least one year.

In the case before Judge Hyslop, the couple, who are both in their early forties, met in 1996 when the woman (who can be identified only as L.C.E.) left Australia to travel and work in British Columbia.

She married E.S.B. in 1997 and they took up residence near Vancouver.

L.C.E. testified that her husband had promised to move to Australia within a year of their marriage. She also claimed to be "lonely and isolated" in B.C.

Judge Hyslop accepted that the woman wanted to be closer to her parents in Australia and the children would have a good upbringing in that country. "I have no doubt that there are suitable schools, friends, medical treatment and recreational facilities available to the children in Australia," she wrote.

But the proposal that the father see the children during their more than 10 weeks of annual vacation from school, as well as daily access on Skype by video conference, was rejected by the court. "If [L. C.E.] moves with the children, there is an emotional loss which will be suffered by them. They are only ages 7 and 4. They will grow up with limited physical and emotional affection from their father. Skype is not enough," Judge Hyslop said.

The father admitted that he agreed last year to move to Australia to save the marriage. He testified that he now believed his wife intended to end the marriage once everyone had arrived in Australia and pursue a relationship with another man she had met in that country while visiting her parents.

The court heard that L.C.E. and the man, identified as J.R., continued their relationship by email and the phone. L.C.E. admitted to the relationship after receiving a text message from J.R. while walking along a beach last year with her husband and children. The woman's Facebook postings also showed her embracing an unidentified man.

During the trial, the judge was presented with emails that the wife sent to friends, which were accessed by her husband. "I am not married to a bad guy, just doubt he'd know what colour my hair is and then, just when I am so out of here, he starts to notice," one email reads.

In reference to one of the emails, Judge Hyslop concluded that the wife attempted to "create a situation" so she could leave with the children once she decided the marriage was over.

While refusing the request to move the children to Australia, the judge granted custody to the mother five days per week while living in B.C. The father was ordered to pay $7,600 per month in child and spousal support based on his income of $200,000 annually.


Sunday, October 4, 2009

Divorce: Be an adult for your child's sake







Oct 3, 2009 10:46 PM | By Judith Ancer

There are ways to minimise the trauma a child feels when parents break up, writes Judith Ancer



SHHH: Parents should know which topics they should not discuss in front of their kids
quote It is not possible to predict how most children will deal with divorce, only how an individual child might respond quote

It had been a bad day at work, having to listen to a divorced couple fighting about who had damaged the children the most.I was left thinking that the only upside of toxic, distressing divorces is that there will always be work for psychotherapists, who have to treat the child casualties of these warring parents.

The writer Margaret Atwood said that divorce was like an amputation: "You survive it, but there's less of you."

Divorce is painful, prolonged and complicated, and divorcing parents have to summon all their courage to be one main thing - the adult.

Sadly, a "happy divorce" is not the norm and there are few palatable truths when children are involved. Research shows that it is not possible to predict how most children will deal with divorce, only how an individual child might respond. It is thought that the younger a child is when their parents divorce, the more difficulties they have as a result. Research also indicates that boys tend to struggle more than girls do. Other factors are:

  • The child's adjustment to life before the divorce proceedings begin;
  • The mood and attitude of the parents over the divorce period - a highly depressed parent has a greater effect on a child than one who is better able to manage his or her own feelings; and
  • The level of conflict between parents and to what degree the child has contact with both parents over the divorce period.

To add to the sombre picture, let us dispel a few myths. Firstly, children often adjust to a bad marriage and prefer to have the family together instead of it splitting up. When you justify your actions by saying your child will be happier when you become happier after the divorce, you underestimate to what degree children struggle to overcome their powerful emotions and reason through the whole experience.

Research shows that children of divorce are generally more sexually active, more depressed, more confrontational with peers, more aggressive with teachers and more likely to get divorced in future. On the other hand, children who have two parents and an intact home benefit from routine and stability. It seems that children's happiness is more influenced by stability than their parents' level of happiness.

Secondly, it is certainly true that a "civilised" divorce is better than a highly destructive and traumatic one. But underestimating and minimising the effect of any kind of divorce is a mistake. In almost any divorce there is hurt, anger and frustration. These feelings have a way of filtering down to your children.

According to Judith Wallerstein, a US psychologist who has researched the long-term consequences of divorce, "the parents' anger at the time of the break-up is not what matters most. Unless there was violence or abuse or high conflict, a child has dim memories of what transpired during this supposedly critical period".

What is more significant is the longer-term relationship between the divorced parents after the initial separation and divorce has happened. What must be dealt with in an ongoing way are the bruised feelings, sadness and anger that are difficult to process, and even the changed financial situation and complex visitation arrangements.

Do not buy into the whole myth that if you just deal with the divorce process in an orderly manner things will be okay. Rather plan to put lots of energy into the aftermath of divorce.

So what if, despite knowing all of the above, you still need to get divorced?

1. Look after yourself so you can help your child;

2. Do not blame or insult the other parent or argue with your ex-spouse in front of the children. When you criticise the other parent, you criticise half of the two people with whom your child identifies;

3. Know what to talk about and what to keep quiet. Tell your child the truth about the divorce and acknowledge their - and your - feelings, but keep legal or financial details of the divorce to yourself. Children feel confused when parents share too much detail with them;

4. Do not keep a spy in the other home. This damages your child's sense of how to manage conflict;

5. Allow visitation rights - do not sabotage your children's relationship with your ex;

6. Avoid buying your children's love with gifts and indulgences. Invest thought, consideration, attention, affection, pride and time in your children; and

7. Be the adult. This is the hardest one to do. A colleague commented that there is probably no clearer evidence of maturity than to be able to allow, and even encourage, your children to have a relationship with a person you may despise or hate.

By looking at the big picture and acting as calmly and maturely as possible, you give your child the best chance of growing up into a healthy adult who has healthy relationships.

  • Ancer is a Johannesburg-based psychologist

http://www.timeslive.co.za/sundaytimes/article136260.ece

Comments

Oct 4 2009 01:45:32
gary1234
user name
Fathers 4 Justice www.f4j.co.za thinks that more people need to be exposed to the reality of divorce; this article does a fantastic job for doing just that.

There is some additional information that we would like to high light around a divorce, when it comes to the divorce process and our children.

1. We have been brainwashed that when you get divorced you need to get a lawyer – this could not be further from the truth.
a. The legal system by its very nature is psychologically confrontational and if anything will enflame the conflict and do untold damage to the children.
b. The average divorce takes 4 – 5 years to be completed if you do not behave like an adult
c. The average divorce costs between R 600 000.00 and R1, 2 Mill per parent.
d. You either end up with the same or worse off at point of divorce.
e. A lose - lose scenario is created no matter how much your hired gun lawyer screws your ex over for.
f. It does not interest me which parent gets to the lawyer first this is irrelevant, however what you need to know is that when you go to a lawyer YOU are declaring war – and as you know in a war there are casualties. In this divorce war there is and always will be casualties and the first casualty is ALLWAYS the children.
2. Children DO HEAR all that is going on and they do hear how the one parent is going to plot the destruction of the other parent. This scares them and makes for psychological problems now and into the future.
3. To deny maintenance or access as punishment to the other parent IS CHILD ABUSE.
4. If you deny the other parent rights of free, easy, unrestricted Access, Care, guardianship and maintenance you are abusing your children.
a. It is not your right to determine the relationship between the child and the other parent.
b. Do not use the legal and psychological fraternity to determine that relationship. The legal and psychological fraternity have displayed beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are fundamentally inept and incapable of handling this situation. If anything these two professions do far more harm than good.
c. Even if there is violence, abuse or neglect you still have no right to determine the relationship between the abusive parent and the children.
d. If there is abuse, violence or neglect by one or both parent’s – then have the visitation / access supervised.
5. Girl children stand a 95% chance of being raped or molested in a single mothered home – this reduces to 5 % in a single fathered home.
6. Children as the article points out do experiment in sexual or drug related behaviour far more earlier where the father is absent
7. Children performed academically far better in a single fathered home than in a single mothered home.
8. However the notion that the mother or father is the best parent is also false. The best parent for a child is both parents.
9. The notion that a young child/ baby / toddler should have less access to the non resident parent is also false, if anything this should be as liberal as possible.
10. CHILDREN MUST HAVE FREE, EASY, UNRISTRICTED ACCESS TO BOTH BIOLOGICAL PARENTS AT ALL TIMES.

If you must divorce or separate, the solution is mediation. Mediation is the adult thing to do. If you mediate you are behaving in the best interest of your children and yourself. Mediation requires commitment and dedication.

Mediation allows for
1. The healing process to begin
2. The reduction in conflict
3. A safe haven / space for emotional charged topics to be discussed in a rational manner, where proper adult discussion and decisions can be made.
4. If the children are old enough for them to have a space to voice what it is that they want nad for this to be included in a final agreement.
5. A space to discuss issues that may arise in the future.
6. Mediation should take approximately 3 x one and a half hour sessions it may take longer (mine for instance took 7 sessions over 10 months. – It was well worth the effort and commitment by my ex and the mediator)
7. Cost of mediation costs between R 900.00 to R 1500.00 per Hour per individual – This is a complete barging in my mind.
8. Mediation puts you in the driving seat, it gives you your power back and it allows you to be the primary decision maker.
9. Mediation allows for a WIN - WIN -WIN solution to be found for all three parties.

If you litigate you are childish, selfish, immature, spiteful, and revengeful and deserve to be taken to the cleaners by your hired gun because that is exactly what is going to happen
If you litigate you are not conducting yourself in the best interest of the children.

When you litigate the best interests of the children never entre the negotiation room let alone the table. If you litigate, by the time you start discussing what is in the best of the children, it is too late the damage has already been done - the right and best interest of the children has already been violated.

For support and advice, please visit our site www.f4j.co.za and visit our sister organisation, SADSA - The South African Divorce Support Association http://www.sadsa.net/site/index.php

DO NOT LITIGATE - MEDIATE

Monday, June 15, 2009

ember’s Bill (PMB) has now been placed on the parliamentary Notice Paper.

A first tiny step has occurred to get Equal Parenting into the formal Parliamentary process. Will it be a historic day. Let us hope for the sake of the children. Thank you to Mr. Vellacott (Saskatoon—Wanuskewin). Go to the very bottom of the Notice Paper. MJM



Notice Paper

No. 75

Monday, June 15, 2009

11:00 a.m.

Feuilleton des avis

No 75

Le lundi 15 juin 2009

11 heures


Introduction of Government Bills

Dépôt de projets de loi émanant du gouvernement






June 12, 2009 — The Minister of Justice — Bill entitled “An Act to amend the Criminal Code”. 12 juin 2009 — Le ministre de la Justice — Projet de loi intitulé « Loi modifiant le Code criminel ».




June 12, 2009 — The Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development and Federal Interlocutor for Métis and Non-Status Indians — Bill entitled “An Act to give effect to the Maanulth First Nations Final Agreement and to make consequential amendments to other Acts”. 12 juin 2009 — Le ministre des Affaires indiennes et du Nord canadien et interlocuteur fédéral auprès des Métis et des Indiens non inscrits — Projet de loi intitulé « Loi portant mise en vigueur de l'accord définitif concernant les premières nations maanulthes et modifiant certaines lois en conséquence ».
Recommendation
Recommandation
(Pursuant to Standing Order 79(2))
(Conformément à l'article 79(2) du Règlement)
Her Excellency the Governor General recommends to the House of Commons the appropriation of public revenue under the circumstances, in the manner and for the purposes set out in a measure entitled “An Act to give effect to the Maanulth First Nations Final Agreement and to make consequential amendments to other Acts”. Son Excellence la gouverneure générale recommande à la Chambre des communes l'affectation de deniers publics dans les circonstances, de la manière et aux fins prévues dans une mesure intitulée « Loi portant mise en vigueur de l'accord définitif concernant les premières nations maanulthes et modifiant certaines lois en conséquence ».




June 12, 2009 — The Minister of Public Safety — Bill entitled “An Act to amend the Corrections and Conditional Release Act and the Criminal Code”. 12 juin 2009 — Le ministre de la Sécurité publique — Projet de loi intitulé « Loi modifiant la Loi sur le système correctionnel et la mise en liberté sous condition et le Code criminel ».
Recommendation
Recommandation
(Pursuant to Standing Order 79(2))
(Conformément à l'article 79(2) du Règlement)
Her Excellency the Governor General recommends to the House of Commons the appropriation of public revenue under the circumstances, in the manner and for the purposes set out in a measure entitled “An Act to amend the Corrections and Conditional Release Act and the Criminal Code”. Son Excellence la gouverneure générale recommande à la Chambre des communes l'affectation de deniers publics dans les circonstances, de la manière et aux fins prévues dans une mesure intitulée « Loi modifiant la Loi sur le système correctionnel et la mise en liberté sous condition et le Code criminel ».

Introduction of Private Members' Bills

Dépôt de projets de loi émanant des députés






June 12, 2009 — Mr. Norlock (Northumberland—Quinte West) — Bill entitled “An Act respecting a National Hunting, Trapping and Fishing Heritage Day”. 12 juin 2009 — M. Norlock (Northumberland—Quinte West) — Projet de loi intitulé « Loi instituant la Journée du patrimoine national en matière de chasse, de piégeage et de pêche ».




June 12, 2009 — Ms. Dhalla (Brampton—Springdale) — Bill entitled “An Act to amend the Old Age Security Act (residency requirement)”. 12 juin 2009 — Mme Dhalla (Brampton—Springdale) — Projet de loi intitulé « Loi modifiant la Loi sur la sécurité de la vieillesse (exigence de résidence) ».




June 12, 2009 — Mr. Vellacott (Saskatoon—Wanuskewin) — Bill entitled “An Act to amend the Divorce Act (equal parenting) and to make consequential amendments to other Acts”.