Ex-Etiquette: My son's mother won't stop calling him on my time

By JANN BLACKSTONE-FORD AND SHARYL JUPE
Contra Costa Times

Published: Tuesday, Dec. 8, 2009 - 5:07 am

Q. Is it OK to put a limit of one 10-minute phone call on my 11-year-old son to his mother on my every other weekend visits? They call each other morning, noon, and night and stay on the phone for 20-60 minutes each time. When he gets off the phone with her his mood has soured.

A. Sometimes in situations like this, a parent will say it's because their child has told them they hate going to visit the other parent, so they're trying to make it easier by reminding him or her the time away will be over soon. In other cases, the parent is afraid their child will forget them or like it more with the other parent - so they call to remind the child how much they're loved, often talking about what the child left behind when he or she is away with comments like, "Don't worry, I fed your puppy," or, even more underhandedly, "Your puppy misses you when you are gone!" In yet other cases, constant phone calls are simply a tool to alienate the child from the other parent. Parents who use this tact must understand the lasting psychological impact this behavior has on their child. For more information, type in Parental Alienation Syndrome, in the Bonus Families Web site search engine.

While each case should be examined individually, it's not uncommon for a child to tell an anxious parent exactly what he or she thinks the parent wants to hear - even if it's untrue. "I hate going to Dad's! It's boring" even if the truth is that Dad just bought him a new X-box and he's dying to get over there. That's when the parents end up in a counselor's office looking for a custody change because they think they are doing exactly what their child wants. In actuality, neither knows the truth.

To eliminate this issue, phone calls should be limited to one a day - a "Hi ya son, good to hear your voice" phone call is all that's needed. Also, the parents must improve their communication with each other. The more the parents talk directly to each other, the less room there is for the child to interpret by himself. Help him to cope by supporting the other parent's visitation. It is in his best interest.

(East Jann Blackstone-Ford, Ph.D., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families (www.bonusfamilies.com). Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.)

http://www.sacbee.com/848/story/2378952.html

Helena Guergis: Twenty years later, honouring the École Polytechnique victims

The Minister panders but even the hard core lefty feminists like @ lilith4 Dec 05 2009 3:40 PM (see below) suffer from ideologically induced cognitive dissonance because this woman is a Conservative. There is no realistic perspective from the victimfemis on this day of mourning. They have turned the tragic death of these women by a Muslim influenced nut bar raised by a single mother in an inconsistent home life into the personification of male patriarchal oppression. And as the Steyn article referred to in a comment below alludes with respect to the men at this tragic event, it personifies we may have a lot of eunuchs in this country who have been so feminized they don't know what to do when confronted by a madman. Leadership flies out the window and they cower like the feminists thinking only of their own victimization or the potential for it.

Here is some perspective. In 2006 in a country of 34-35 million people there was 78 spousal homicides out of a total of 605 murders in Canada. The vast majority of these murder victims were men as it is every year. Not all spousal homicides are reported as such. Women are devilishly clever at killing their spouses and sometimes these killings are reported as something other than DV. If a new boyfriend (or girlfriend conspiracy as in the Nicky Puddicombe - turned lesbian- murder of her boyfriend Dennis Hoy) is coerced into killing the husband, if a contractor is used, if undetectable methods are employed, or if it just plain appears as accidental it will not appear as a spousal killing. The trend for females being killed is downward showing a total of 56 while male killings went up to 21 from 12.

I would further want you to understand that there could be as many as 2,000 deaths of men by suicide per year due to family court indignities and false accusations related to the corrupt Divorce Industry in this country. That is a serious number. All deaths are tragic but I believe the pendulum has swung way too far to the left. Put another way when dealing with per million couples we see 999,997.7 females do not kill their partners and 999,993 men do not kill their female partners.

The feminists whine and the eunuchs bow down just like we saw with the obsequious President O-Bow-ma to the Emperor of Japan and pander. Its is clear as a bell that in terms of value females have it and men do not. We are disposable.

Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile, 2005, a comprehensive report from Stats Can shows an estimated 7% of women and 6% of men representing 653,000 women and 546,000 men in a current or previous spousal relationship encountered spousal violence during the five years up to and including 2004. You can find the report at this link. Http://www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/050714/d050714a.htm The feminists whine and the thlibias bow down just like we saw with the obsequious President O-Bow-ma to the Emperor of Japan and pander.

Its is clear as a bell that in terms of value females have it and men do not. We are disposable despite the fact DV is pretty much equal in this country and in many instances the instigator of the DV is the female. In the following study she is 70% likely to start the abuse. http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a . Who gets arrested is an entirely different matter. The memory of this loss to Canada has become irrevocably dispersed in the clouded victim feminist gender political ideology and the politicians all act like the panderers they are. Its a pity.MJM

Helena Guergis: Twenty years later, honouring the École Polytechnique victims

Posted: December 05, 2009, 2:00 PM by NP Editor

Helena Guergis

On Dec. 6, 1989, 20 years ago tomorrow, a gunman entered a classroom in Montreal’s École Polytechnique. He separated the men from the women, then shot the women, shouting, “I hate feminists!” as he did so. Fourteen young women died. Ten more were injured. Four men were also shot.

As Canadians across the land prepare to observe the 20th anniversary of the Montreal Massacre, it seems a fitting time to take stock of where we are in the fight to end violence against women.

Canadian women are rightfully counted among the most fortunate in the world, our rights protected by law and supported by the progressive attitudes of citizens male and female.

New Fathers 4 Justice: Canterbury Cathedral Protest.

at CANTERBURY CATHEDRAL , on Saturday 12th December 2009

Date: Saturday 12th December 2009
Venue: CANTERBURY CATHEDRAL »
Location: CANTERBURY
Doors: 09:30 til 14:30

Event short url: http://www.skiddle.com/events/11340777/

Add event to my Skiddle Calendar (I'm going)

Add event to Outlook/iCal

Add to Facebook

Invite friends

AFTER 3 LOCAL ARTICLES IN THE KENT AND CANTERBURY PRESS...MOMENTUM IS REALLY MOUNTING, WITH THIS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED YULETIDE DEMO.

WE HAVE CONFIRMED 156 NEW FATHERS 4 JUSTICE SANTA'S ATTENDING AS OF DECEMBER 4TH). LETS MAKE IT 200!!!

Dressed In Santa Outfits, New F4J Will Yet Again Attempt To Get Our Message Across To The Church, Whom Like This Arrogant Labour Government Have Ignored The Plight Of Fathers since they have been in office.

We are urging the church to support us in our fight to change family law and plug dads back into families in time for xmas. We say this as matter of great urgency, as we are now only 6 months away from the General Election. We hope that the Arch Bishop Of Canterbury, Dr.Rowan Williams will help us with the plight of dads in Britain this Xmas.

As the Archbishop of York (Dr.Sentamu said " That it is important to have a Father involved in the life of a child" "This is a matter of urgency".
(see youtube)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La81_S2Hjzg

Since the Archbishops speech last year in the house of Lords, Labour have done nothing to put dads back into families...quite the opposite..they now with the new fertility bill to have "fathers by design". i.e. Lesbians can have children without the need for a father. It removes the NEED FOR A FATHER as well as the CHILDS NEED FOR A FATHER!

We are not confident of Labour's support, but feel the Tory party are much more attuned to concept of the traditional family. We protested in hope of support outside David Cameron's office in Witney 2 weeks ago and it seems we are gaining a commitment from them. (see his letter to us on www.newfathers4justice.info)

We need to rebuild our society and putting dads back in families or to make them see their children will be a good start in the rebuilding process.


We urge all dads who are not going to see their kids this Xmas, to attend this demo, which is rapidly gaining support. SEE ARTICLE FROM NOV 27TH ON OUR WEBSITE.

We ask all that attend to wear Father Xmas outfits and bring banners etc..

Please contact me if you have any questions. Or contact us via our website.

http://www.thisiskent.co.uk/news/Dads-plan-picket-Canterbury-Cathedral/article-1526150-detail/article.html

Best regards,

Nigel
07504812842

CHECK US OUT ON OUR WEBSITE......THAT INCLUDES YOU TOO MR.BROWN!!

www.newfathers4justice.info

Toronto woman to get $110,000 a month in spousal support

The following is a quote from the lawyer representing a woman who just made history by taking her hubby to the cleaners with not only millions in assets but the biggest alimony settlement ever in Canada of $110,000.00 per month. Yes that is per month. Oh to be a kept woman and have to deal with expenses of over $88,000 per month. Can you imagine a person who is not generating any economic activity to support herself has expenses of over $1,000,000.00 per year. It is this kind of decision by judicial activist social engineers that causes women's privileged rights to come under such severe scrutiny and criticism. It is nothing more than judicially imposed welfare and she becomes a judicial welfare bum. This is gold digging on a massive scale. It is not something a judge is required to do because of legislation. The social engineering activist judge did it because she could. I hope he appeals because these judgments of the uber-rich have a habit of becoming precedents impacting those of us at the low end of the income scale on a proportionate basis. The trickle down approach to males keeping females from their own victimhood all through choices they made themselves. Take note of the comment the woman was not employable. Her choice and no one elses.

"Julie Hannaford, a lawyer representing Ms. Elgner, says the amount reflects a growing feeling within the judiciary that spousal support has not kept up with the times."

_________________________________________________________
I've always been curious about the seemingly incestuous relationship that exists between lawyers, judges and politicians. How would this lawyer have first hand info on what "growing feeling" exists in the judiciary. Did she learn this on the cocktail party circuit chatting it up with the judges she appears before?

The Canadian Bar Association (CBA) had their most recent convention in Ireland. Why in the home of my ancestors I don't know but the average family lawyer gets an median income of $25,000.00 per litigating client and they can afford it.

Our Justice Minister, a lawyer and paid up member of the bar association, was also in attendance and was lobbied by the CBA to not let a private members bill C-422 see the light of day. This bill deals with a presumption of shared and equal parenting upon divorce for fit parents. Almost 80% of Canadians across the political spectrum agree it is a good thing. Judges currently award sole physical custody in over 90% of cases to moms. That isn't just imbalance that is pretty blatant social engineering complete with discrimination, bias and sexism. Nicholson opined the best interests of the children must take priority rather than a fathers equality. He was cheered by the attendees who took this to be the bill was dead in the water.

In what other field would you find a lobby group lobbying a Minister of the Crown to not do something that would cause them to lose income and that person representing Canadian Taxpayers is a member of the same lobby group. If this was anything other than lawyers it would be considered corruption of a high order.

This particular settlement is so far out of the realm of the average Canadian it appears absurd.

That is what we have for a justice system. Its a pity.MJM

Record-setting ruling reflects fact that divorce decisions have not kept up with the times, lawyer says

Kirk Makin

From Friday's Globe and Mail Published on Thursday, Dec. 03, 2009 8:58PM EST Last updated on Friday, Dec. 04, 2009 2:13AM EST

A 61-year-old Toronto woman whose marriage fell apart after 33 years has won a record-setting spousal support award of $110,000 a month.

The extraordinary award – which also included two years of retroactive support at $140,000 a month – was based on the length of Carol Ann Elgner's marriage to Claude Elgner, coupled with Mr. Elgner's annual income of $3-million to $4-million.

Julie Hannaford, a lawyer representing Ms. Elgner, says the amount reflects a growing feeling within the judiciary that spousal support has not kept up with the times.

“It was always thought of as something that keeps the heat and lights on, and the gas in your car,” she said. “Courts are taking a very different view of support – especially in cases where there is a high income. Spousal support used to be kind of punitive against wives. I think there is a stripping away of that kind of undercurrent.”

Ms. Hannaford said Thursday that family lawyers she has spoken to agree it is the largest spousal-support award ever in Canada.

“You never expect an award of that amount,” she said. “You never really know what to expect.”

The couple separated in 2007, after Ms. Elgner had spent their entire married life at home raising their three children – now aged 31, 28 and 27. During that time, Mr. Elgner's businesses – supplying plastic fixtures used in automotive interiors – grew at a colossal rate.

The main companies he owns are ABC Group Realty Holdings and Elgner Group Investments Ltd.

“The parties, late in the marriage, took on an elegant lifestyle,” Madam Justice Susan Greer of Ontario Superior Court said in the judgment. “By the time they separated, they travelled extensively from one residence to another, and spent time at their various timeshares.”

Their assets included a $1.5-million home in Toronto, a $2.6-million summer residence in Muskoka, a $3.5-million home in Florida and a condo in Whistler, B.C., along with five timeshares.

“The wife should not have to eradicate her savings to pay for her living expenses,” Judge Greer said. “She sacrificed a career to be a stay-at-home wife and mother for all those years. This is a family with extensive wealth, and both parties should live out their retirement years in a style that can easily be afforded.”

Mr. Elgner, 62, argued at trial that his former wife has already received $6.2-million in cash and investments directly from him, and that his remaining wealth ought to be largely excluded from the net family assets that are equalized at the time of a divorce.

He also pointed out that Ms. Elgner received $775,443 in after-tax income last year, largely as a result of dividends.

However, in a financial statement prepared for the court, Ms. Elgner said her monthly expenses last year were $115,439, part of which goes to support her sister and much of which went into home repairs, maintenance and gardening.

“The wife says that in 2009, her expenses have decreased to $88,790.33 per month,” Judge Greer said. “This equates to $1,065,483.90 per year.”

The judge noted that Mr. Elgner's income could soar above its current level of nearly $4-million a year.

“It is a reasonable inference that his income may go higher than that, depending on what he requires and how he and his brother – as directors of the various corporate interests – determined what each brother's income should be each year,” she said.

The judge took into account the fact that Ms. Elgner is not employable.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto-woman-to-get-110000-a-month-in-spousal-support/article1387979/

And God Created Fathers

I am agnostic and frankly don't completely believe there is a being called God but this little story can be a metaphor for whoever created dads even if it was natural selection.MJM




When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping. And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child-size, who would children have to look up to?"

And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy. The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hand are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats." And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."

And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders. The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?" And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?" And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words but a firm, authoritative voice and eyes that saw everything but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"

The angel said nothing more.

Author unknown to me.

Fathers 4 Justice ~ The Fun Powder Plot ~ 2009 Top Tracks: #30 Wild Beasts

A new theme song for Fathers 4 Justice. A song from the Wild Beasts written for the Purple Powder event at the UK Parliament that got Prime Minister Tony Blair in a lather. You can access the video and MP3 versions through links here. http://www.stereojealousy.com/ or below. The sound is excellent. The legend of F4J grows.MJM

Lyrics: The Fun Powder Plot

When we turn up in our turn up’s, our hearts are heavy,

our heads are ready to levy.

For the yippee-less swing, for the tot-less cot, for the mock,

for the shock, for the fun powder plot.

With courage and conviction, in donkey-jaw diction,

we cry for the cause because the courts have left us lonely;

disowned us daddies like the poopers of the party.

Gently, gently take them from me… gently, gently take them from me…

gently, gently take them from me, and I’ll be left dumfound as a donkey.

This is a booty call; my boot up your arse hole. This is a Freudian slip; my slipper in your bits.

"Serving as much as a statement of intent as a cracking album-opener, Wild Beasts’ The Fun Powder Plot is the sound of a band confidently lurching towards ’semi political critique’. As the twisting guitar melodies swirl about you, it is Hayden Thorpe’s aching falsetto (ish) vocal performance that grabs you and doesn’t let go. Not only does it not let it go, you’ll find yourself singing “my boot, my boot, up your asshole” for days – aptly demonstrating the bands new found ability to match whimsy with weight – the song is named after the Fathers 4 Justice parliament protest."

Wild Beasts – The Fun Powder Plot (mp3)

Wild Beasts – The Fun Powder Plot (video)

Wild Beasts Myspace