Saturday, October 10, 2009

In the UK ~ Fathers 4 Justice protest hijacks city walls

It couldn't have happened on a finer day - that being my birthday. Good job lads - we need to wake up these family court social engineers on both sides of the Ocean.MJM





4:47pm Saturday 10th October 2009

comment Comments (3) Have your say »

CAMPAIGNERS from New Fathers 4 Justice dressed up as superheroes to hijack Southampton's old town walls in noisy protest this afternoon.

The protestors donned Batman, Superman, and Spiderman costumes and unfurled banners from the bridge near the city's historic Bargate demanding equal rights for dads over a megaphone.

Shoppers and motorists passing below waved or honked in support while around half a dozen police gathered close by.

The demonstration, which went off peacefully, was being held in support of Lee Moorman, 30, from Chandlers Ford, who is battling for equal contact with his son.


http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/4675586.Fathers_4_Justice_protest_hijacks_city_walls/



New Fathers 4 Justice protest in Southampton for Chandler's Ford dad Lee Moorman

1:58pm Monday 12th October 2009

comment Comments (0) Have your say »

More stories about: Chandler's Ford


BATMAN, Superman, Captain America, and Spiderman joined forces for a protest in Southampton.

The “superheroes” from New Fathers 4 Justice hijacked the city’s old town walls near the Bargate in support of Chandler’s Ford dad Lee Moorman, 30, who is fighting for access to his child.

Motorists passing below honked their support while around half a dozen police gathered close by.

The protesters unfurled banners from the bridge over Castle Way and demanded equal rights for fathers over a megaphone.

Mr Moorman said he was having “sleepless nights” after last seeing his three-year old son in July. He said he wanted joint custody not a couple of hours access in a contact centre.

“I’ve got to go to the family courts which I’m told will be a lengthy process and cost a lot of money.”

Mr Moorman said he was planning a monthly support group in Southampton. He was joined by protester Mark Harris, 50, who said he needed 133 court hearings to win the right to see his children.

The former Shirley resident set fire to a wheelbarrow of the court papers he accumulated over his ten-year battle as a show of disgust for the “biased” family courts.

Mr Harris was one of the protesters who last year scaled the roof of deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman’s home while she and her husband were inside.

http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/4677244.___Superheroes____fight_for_justice_for_Chandler_s_Ford_dad/

You can use Google Maps to get a street level view which you can rotate 360 degrees. Look for BarGate.

http://maps.google.ca/maps?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=yth&q=map+Southampton,+UK&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=Southampton,+Hampshire,+UK&gl=ca&ei=mkrTSprnJJCINJyOoJQD&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CA8Q8gEwAA


Mike Murphy, Sault Ste. Marie, ON, Canada says...
5:34pm Sat 10 Oct 09
It couldn't have happened on a finer day - that being my birthday. Good job lads - we need to wake up these family court social engineers on both sides of the Ocean.

UTS, says...
5:34pm Sat 10 Oct 09

fair play to them.


Condor Man, Southampton says...
6:43pm Sat 10 Oct 09

about time fathers had more rights over their kids. Shame on judges and the court system in general for forcing blokes into this organisation.

Helenlou, Southampton says...
9:52pm Sat 10 Oct 09

It is such a shame that he has to resort to this to try to see his son. Some women just use kids as weapons for money and self satisfaction. He would have such a better life with his Dad. Whatever happens at least he will see that his Dad has fought tooth and nail for him.

flower49, Holbury says...
9:54pm Sat 10 Oct 09

I bet you could have filled that bridge 10,000 times over with all the women who were owed child support from the CSA. How many dads do not pay any money to their ex wives to help with the bringing up of their offspring? Not saying that these men do not pay towards their children but, I do not suppose there would be many women dressing up as Superman or Batman to make a point. We just carry on working and carry on bringing up the kids.

Helenlou, Southampton says...
10:04pm Sat 10 Oct 09

flower49 - you have completely missed the point. These Dads pay maintenance and are fighting to see their children who they love very much. Mums get the automatic right to access to their children no matter who pays for it. Its not a question of money its a question of access.

soton1980, Southampton/Fareham says...
11:47pm Sat 10 Oct 09

Fair play to these guys! I find it unbelieveable that in the 21st century when men and woman are supposed to have equal rights that father's rights are less than the mother's!

smithy31, plymouth says...
8:13am Sun 11 Oct 09

Mike Murphy wrote:
It should say "It couldn't have..."
well done to the lads we need to show them that us as fathers are no differant from there mother ive got 3 kids which ive not seen since may 09 due to family law fathers are for life not just on saturdays i support this group all the way such a shame i never made it nigel from plymouth

rabbitlady, Totton says...
11:29am Sun 11 Oct 09

What about the dads who are violent to their partners in front of their kids, carry on affairs with other women, dont pay maintenance and still want to see their kids? my child at 5 yrs old told the court 'I dont want to see my dad'

Condor Man, Southampton says...
12:09pm Sun 11 Oct 09

rabbitlady wrote:
What about the dads who are violent to their partners in front of their kids, carry on affairs with other women, dont pay maintenance and still want to see their kids? my child at 5 yrs old told the court 'I dont want to see my dad'
what about the dad who doesn't earn enough money to keep his wife so she goes off with a bloke who earns more yet still screws the father for child support in addition to getting all the benefits? we've been dominated by women on this issue for too long.

TheJoiners, harefield says...
12:29pm Sun 11 Oct 09

Condor Man wrote:
rabbitlady wrote: What about the dads who are violent to their partners in front of their kids, carry on affairs with other women, dont pay maintenance and still want to see their kids? my child at 5 yrs old told the court 'I dont want to see my dad'
what about the dad who doesn't earn enough money to keep his wife so she goes off with a bloke who earns more yet still screws the father for child support in addition to getting all the benefits? we've been dominated by women on this issue for too long.
Its not about screwing the dads. You have kids you pay for them, simple as. If you dont earn enough to support them, dont have them

smithy31, plymouth says...
12:58pm Sun 11 Oct 09

as for the comment with the 5 year old the courts will not listen to a child of that age they need to be 11 before even a thought of what the child wants so i dont no what **** that came out of i have 3 kids 10,8,3 and the courts dont listen to them a father is got as much right as there mother no matter what has happened in the past its all the future that counts nigel plymouth plymouth family butchers is the law courts

Saintly Sinner, Southampton says...
1:05pm Sun 11 Oct 09

My ex owes me money through the CSA.

I now my pay child maintenance to my ex through the CSA, whilst still being owed money from my ex.

Guess what flower49

I am a man, who bought up his child alone until my child choose to live with his mother.

Yes, mothers can be just as bad, if not worse

Condor Man, Southampton says...
1:58pm Sun 11 Oct 09

Saintly Sinner wrote:
My ex owes me money through the CSA. I now my pay child maintenance to my ex through the CSA, whilst still being owed money from my ex. Guess what flower49 I am a man, who bought up his child alone until my child choose to live with his mother. Yes, mothers can be just as bad, if not worse
just try telling Harriet Hatemen that.

nononsense2009, southampton says...
2:16pm Sun 11 Oct 09

I am of the belief that fathers should see their children, however its all so easy to blame the mother for cutting access. I am a mum who has been here done this and believe me its not easy. We have to think about our children and when dad comes when he feels like it, puts other things first on access days, is in and out of your childs life and you have a distraught child who crys when dad doesnt show and then 6 months later has several organisations asking the child to draw how they feel because dad has decided he wants contact again and taken it back to court and then child crying because they dont want to see dad anymore what are we meant to do. You have to do what is right for your child. So yes there are some fathers who dont get to see their children because mum has decided it to be this way but not all mums do it to be vindictive, we are just protecting our babies from future let down and sitting at the front door bag in hand coat on for their father to not show again for the third weekend in a row......only to find ourselves back in court being blamed for cutting access several weeks later.

nononsense2009, southampton says...
2:32pm Sun 11 Oct 09

smithy31 wrote:
as for the comment with the 5 year old the courts will not listen to a child of that age they need to be 11 before even a thought of what the child wants so i dont no what **** that came out of i have 3 kids 10,8,3 and the courts dont listen to them a father is got as much right as there mother no matter what has happened in the past its all the future that counts nigel plymouth plymouth family butchers is the law courts
i am a mum and i have been dragged thru the courts so many times. I understand what you are saying about a five year old not being able to have a say at court. However there are organisations trained specifiacally to help your child. One inparticular is NYAS they are a bit like a CAFCASS officer (im sure you all have one assigned to your case) however the NYAS officer is there to solely represent your child, in essence they are your childs voice!! The courts value these officers evaluations and the work they do with the children. They are trained to work with all ages and get to the bottom of things. However if you choose to ask for their help you may not always like the outcome, if your children tell the officer that they dont want to see you this is the case they will put to the courts. However if you are sure that your children do want you to be part of thier life then they may just be able to help you and it may be worth asking about them!!! I suppose you really have nothing to loose :) The only thing i will always say is great fight for your children but never ever blame the mother, children are very very protective especailly as they get older. The fact that they now live with mum will usually mean that it is her they will protect and sometimes this means that they will see you putting her thru unpleasant things and alot of stress and they may decide that you are the bad person in it all and choose not to see you!!!! Remember no matter how you feel about your babies mothers they ARE raising your children and most of them are doing a blooming good job!!

Saintly Sinner, Southampton says...
3:19pm Sun 11 Oct 09

Condor Man wrote:
Saintly Sinner wrote:
My ex owes me money through the CSA. I now my pay child maintenance to my ex through the CSA, whilst still being owed money from my ex. Guess what flower49 I am a man, who bought up his child alone until my child choose to live with his mother. Yes, mothers can be just as bad, if not worse
just try telling Harriet Hatemen that.
I think I would be *issing into the wind, the same as I'm doing with the CSA, when I asked them to reduce my payments until the debt I'm owed by my ex was cleared

Saintly Sinner, Southampton says...
3:24pm Sun 11 Oct 09

nononsense2009 wrote:
I am of the belief that fathers should see their children, however its all so easy to blame the mother for cutting access. I am a mum who has been here done this and believe me its not easy. We have to think about our children and when dad comes when he feels like it, puts other things first on access days, is in and out of your childs life and you have a distraught child who crys when dad doesnt show and then 6 months later has several organisations asking the child to draw how they feel because dad has decided he wants contact again and taken it back to court and then child crying because they dont want to see dad anymore what are we meant to do. You have to do what is right for your child. So yes there are some fathers who dont get to see their children because mum has decided it to be this way but not all mums do it to be vindictive, we are just protecting our babies from future let down and sitting at the front door bag in hand coat on for their father to not show again for the third weekend in a row......only to find ourselves back in court being blamed for cutting access several weeks later.
And I suppose mother's don't do that when father's have custody, because the mother walked away from the child?

Useless parents are useless parents whether male or female, it's not all men..

Mike Murphy, Sault Ste. Marie, ON, Canada says...
3:56pm today Sun 11 Oct 09

As often happens in these discussions the focus for equality disappears from view and we get caught up in the minutiae of personal tragedies.

The issue is mums get custody in most cases and dads are marginalized as visitors and then often not at all if mum says so. All the power and control is in the hands of a single gender. Mum and dad were presumable equal during the partnership - now they are not. If we have a presumption of equality then each case can proceed on the basis of its own merits and available time. If both parents are fit what is the problem? If one parent can't do 50-50 then they work out whats best for them but at least the judges have to go on the basis of equality not in the one sided winner take all approach. All that is doing is increasing conflict - not decreasing it. The children, unless they have been alienated or abused want both parents in their lives. Its about them!

rabbitlady, Totton says...
11:56pm Sun 11 Oct 09

smith31 i can assure you that my child at 5 years old made the decision for no further contact with dad. A CAFCASS Officer came to my property on two separate occasions to speak to my child (with me out of the room). He then wrote a report for the Court recommending no direct contact. My child was actually frightened of dad because of his violent temper. So please be informed that Court will take the opinions of a 5 year old into consideration!

lee-nf4j, eastleigh says...
7:41am Mon 12 Oct 09

This was all for my son vinnie moorman . I miss and love him so much xmas soon hope i will see him
i will keep FIGHTING there are lot of good dad out there !!!

What we want
1 - Equal Contact
an automatic presumption of equal contact with the children when the parents split as a starting point. This will give both parents equal parity of rights to see the children.
2 - Open Courts
To be brought into line with the crown and magistrates courts. This will prevent corruption, biasness.
www.newfathers4justi
ce.info

rabbitlady, Totton says...
8:01am Mon 12 Oct 09

Lee, I don't know the circumstances of your split but the child's wishes have to be taken into account when contact decisions are made. It is not in the child's best interests to be force to have contact if it is not what they want. My ex partner played no part in her young life whatsoever, he never put her to bed, instead preferring to stay out all night with various women, he never took her to school, went to assemblies etc. Whilst only being young, children do take in what they see and therefore the Court have an obligation to take their feelings into account. I wish you good luck with your campaign but we must realise that every case has to be judged on its merits and at the end of the day the children have to come first. Good Luck.

newfathers4justice ( sussex ), sussex says...
9:02am Mon 12 Oct 09

i sense some feminist twats ...

im not here to argue the toss

*so dont bother to reply to this

ill point it out simply .....

the courts DO NOT act in the childs best interest, nor do they enforce the law,
as mike said most residency is with the mother,
cafcass lie and twist things that are said, which is why most from a recent ofsted report across the uk deemed practically every single branch INADEQUATE !,

the simple point here is that if there is no "real" reason for stopping contact then decent loving child/father contact should be 50/50
( i exclude false allegations, which does happen and is sick! of another party to do this to stop contact )

all of us in this organisation pay for our children
this is not about money, and the people that bleat on about csa money make me sick to the core !
kids and cash are a seperate issue, mothers get paid by the government for kids to look after them regardless of the csa you need to realise this !
now stop being heartless feeble money grabbing leeches, and using a child of a way of gaining money, and let the decent loving father that has done no wrong ! see his children !


there are hundreds of loving dads out there that want to see there kids and have been stopped for absoloutely no reason ! be it mothers, cafcass corruption, or failing courts

we want 50/50 contact now !

some commentators on here should really not comment on something they clearly know nothing about.

The men that died during the war fought for there families only to have there rights taken away from them in the present!

THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN SUFFER AS A RESULT OF ONE PARENT, (USUALLY THE FATHER) BEING CUT OUT OF THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LAWFUL REASON.
THE REMOVAL OF A CHILD FROM A FIT AND LOVING PARENT IS NOTHING LESS THAN CHILD ABUSE.


"Destroy the family, and you destroy society"

until next time .....


newfathers4justice ( sussex ), sussex says...
9:25am Mon 12 Oct 09

Any dads caught up in this plight, contact us and we can help you fight the system.

WE WANT:

1.AN AUTOMATIC PRESUMPTION OF 50/50 CONTACT AS A STARTING POINT WHEN THE PARENTS SPLIT.

2. OPEN COURTS

NEW F4J
www.newfathers4justi
ce.info

gillyman, southampton says...
9:39am Mon 12 Oct 09

women on here are missing the point banging on about csa payments
the fathers for justice are usually men who pay maintenance and have no access to there kids because there is no support for dads from the british courts

steven gately, portsmouth says...
11:31am Mon 12 Oct 09

spiteful- evil- child abusing- phyco- bich mothers that use children as weapons an to gain cash
should be locked up permanantly
and let the father look after thier kid coz there obviously not fit too

my ex is a phyco and they let nut jobs like that look after my kid ?

gordon brown
get a grip you scotts muppet fraggle numopty !!!

mc, ste rip

soton-mike80, Southampton says...
11:38am Mon 12 Oct 09

gillyman wrote:
women on here are missing the point banging on about csa payments the fathers for justice are usually men who pay maintenance and have no access to there kids because there is no support for dads from the british courts
Spot-on... I have friends in this situation, they are upstanding members of the community, they want to contribute to the lives of their children, they've never missed a single birthday, christmas or any holiday, but the British Courts do not recognise that fathers can have a more positive influence on their children.

Those parents that use children as pawns and weapons are not fit for purpose (it happens in both genders). This is not a man VS woman thing, it is quite simply a matter of equality.

My heart goes out to all those women that do have no-good partners, as with the men, but please do not tarnish all men with the same brush. Some of us are more decent than you would ever know! And ladies, if you keep preaching that all men are bad - you'll start to believe it and be alone for the rest of your lives!

Good luck F4J! I love your style!

newfathers4justice ( sussex ), sussex says...
11:50am Mon 12 Oct 09

please watch our video

copy & paste this link:

http://www.youtube.c
om/watch?v=ExiGRl5x5
6w

our site:
http://www.newfather
s4justice.info/

freemantlegirl2, Southampton says...
11:52am Mon 12 Oct 09

steven gately wrote:
spiteful- evil- child abusing- phyco- bich mothers that use children as weapons an to gain cash
should be locked up permanantly
and let the father look after thier kid coz there obviously not fit too

my ex is a phyco and they let nut jobs like that look after my kid ?

gordon brown
get a grip you scotts muppet fraggle numopty !!!

mc, ste rip
mmm and that post is really sane and balanced isn't it! lol

freemantlegirl2, Southampton says...
11:58am Mon 12 Oct 09

newfathers4justice ( sussex ) wrote:
i sense some feminist twats ...

im not here to argue the toss

*so dont bother to reply to this

ill point it out simply .....

the courts DO NOT act in the childs best interest, nor do they enforce the law,
as mike said most residency is with the mother,
cafcass lie and twist things that are said, which is why most from a recent ofsted report across the uk deemed practically every single branch INADEQUATE !,

the simple point here is that if there is no "real" reason for stopping contact then decent loving child/father contact should be 50/50
( i exclude false allegations, which does happen and is sick! of another party to do this to stop contact )

all of us in this organisation pay for our children
this is not about money, and the people that bleat on about csa money make me sick to the core !
kids and cash are a seperate issue, mothers get paid by the government for kids to look after them regardless of the csa you need to realise this !
now stop being heartless feeble money grabbing leeches, and using a child of a way of gaining money, and let the decent loving father that has done no wrong ! see his children !


there are hundreds of loving dads out there that want to see there kids and have been stopped for absoloutely no reason ! be it mothers, cafcass corruption, or failing courts

we want 50/50 contact now !

some commentators on here should really not comment on something they clearly know nothing about.

The men that died during the war fought for there families only to have there rights taken away from them in the present!

THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN SUFFER AS A RESULT OF ONE PARENT, (USUALLY THE FATHER) BEING CUT OUT OF THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LAWFUL REASON.
THE REMOVAL OF A CHILD FROM A FIT AND LOVING PARENT IS NOTHING LESS THAN CHILD ABUSE.


"Destroy the family, and you destroy society"

until next time .....

mmm and that post is really sane and balanced isn't it! lol

freemantlegirl2, Southampton says...
12:15pm Mon 12 Oct 09

freemantlegirl2 wrote:
newfathers4justice ( sussex ) wrote:
i sense some feminist twats ...

im not here to argue the toss

*so dont bother to reply to this

ill point it out simply .....

the courts DO NOT act in the childs best interest, nor do they enforce the law,
as mike said most residency is with the mother,
cafcass lie and twist things that are said, which is why most from a recent ofsted report across the uk deemed practically every single branch INADEQUATE !,

the simple point here is that if there is no "real" reason for stopping contact then decent loving child/father contact should be 50/50
( i exclude false allegations, which does happen and is sick! of another party to do this to stop contact )

all of us in this organisation pay for our children
this is not about money, and the people that bleat on about csa money make me sick to the core !
kids and cash are a seperate issue, mothers get paid by the government for kids to look after them regardless of the csa you need to realise this !
now stop being heartless feeble money grabbing leeches, and using a child of a way of gaining money, and let the decent loving father that has done no wrong ! see his children !


there are hundreds of loving dads out there that want to see there kids and have been stopped for absoloutely no reason ! be it mothers, cafcass corruption, or failing courts

we want 50/50 contact now !

some commentators on here should really not comment on something they clearly know nothing about.

The men that died during the war fought for there families only to have there rights taken away from them in the present!

THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN SUFFER AS A RESULT OF ONE PARENT, (USUALLY THE FATHER) BEING CUT OUT OF THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LAWFUL REASON.
THE REMOVAL OF A CHILD FROM A FIT AND LOVING PARENT IS NOTHING LESS THAN CHILD ABUSE.


"Destroy the family, and you destroy society"

until next time .....

mmm and that post is really sane and balanced isn't it! lol
People are not going to listen to your argument if you accuse them of being feminist twats, and then demand that they don't reply! That's not equal either. It comes over as very aggressive. I am totally sympathetic to your plight but don't ruin it!

I agree, CSA payments/child maintenance is a separate issue.

The Children Act means that the child has priority but is, as you say, often misinterpreted.

No child should be forced to see a father (or mother or other relatives if they really don't want to). The lady that said her 5 year old didn't want to see dad. My daughter also said that, but I did feel that it was because she was 'angry' with him at that time, it wasn't permanent. I sat down with dad and explained that and to be fair we both agreed that the door should be left open, and lo and behold a few months' later she changed her mind. They are now really close, and I am thankful because she is happy.

Shared access is hardly ever granted with very young children, as it's confusing for them to be flitting about from house-to-house. Children need both parents, but they also need stability. Due to schooling for example, it often isn't possible to have totally equal shared access. Shared access isn't always in the best interests of the child, EVERY parent male or female should put their child's welfare and happiness first. I'm on the side of my children, not me or my ex - that is irrelevant. It's about how we proceed as parents. Sadly, couples cannot often come to agreement and that's where the Courts have to step in and then it gets nasty because one person never agrees, and therein lies the crux of the matter. When a family breaks up it is near-on impossible to keep this totally equal because of the logistics of the situation - some manage it with a lot of compromise. It is often difficult to negotiate the way through child contact because the emotions and fall out from a bad break up is bound to affect things, however you may try not to let it.

I would like to comment on your comment about men fighting in the war, that many women were left one-parent families during the war and contributed hugely to the war effort. The dynamics of society have changed for the better, even though perhaps the father still has to obtain more consideration in the Court. My sister is a family solicitor and she acts for a lot of fathers and even she says this but she says that both sets of parents usually lose sight of the most important thing because they're arguing and that is the child.

freemantlegirl2, Southampton says...
12:17pm Mon 12 Oct 09

freemantlegirl2 wrote:
newfathers4justice ( sussex ) wrote:
i sense some feminist twats ...

im not here to argue the toss

*so dont bother to reply to this

ill point it out simply .....

the courts DO NOT act in the childs best interest, nor do they enforce the law,
as mike said most residency is with the mother,
cafcass lie and twist things that are said, which is why most from a recent ofsted report across the uk deemed practically every single branch INADEQUATE !,

the simple point here is that if there is no "real" reason for stopping contact then decent loving child/father contact should be 50/50
( i exclude false allegations, which does happen and is sick! of another party to do this to stop contact )

all of us in this organisation pay for our children
this is not about money, and the people that bleat on about csa money make me sick to the core !
kids and cash are a seperate issue, mothers get paid by the government for kids to look after them regardless of the csa you need to realise this !
now stop being heartless feeble money grabbing leeches, and using a child of a way of gaining money, and let the decent loving father that has done no wrong ! see his children !


there are hundreds of loving dads out there that want to see there kids and have been stopped for absoloutely no reason ! be it mothers, cafcass corruption, or failing courts

we want 50/50 contact now !

some commentators on here should really not comment on something they clearly know nothing about.

The men that died during the war fought for there families only to have there rights taken away from them in the present!

THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN SUFFER AS A RESULT OF ONE PARENT, (USUALLY THE FATHER) BEING CUT OUT OF THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LAWFUL REASON.
THE REMOVAL OF A CHILD FROM A FIT AND LOVING PARENT IS NOTHING LESS THAN CHILD ABUSE.


"Destroy the family, and you destroy society"

until next time .....

mmm and that post is really sane and balanced isn't it! lol
Sorry that comment got 'carried over' from a last post. Wasn't meant for you.

Mike Murphy, Sault Ste. Marie, ON, Canada says...
3:56pm today Mon 12 Oct 09

@freemantlegirl2, Southampton says...
12:17pm Mon 12 Oct 09 You seem to be a more reasoned mom and are able to see some of the bigger picture. I would suggest to anyone that a 5 year old is incapable of making a reasoned decision to lock out 50% of their genetic heritage. They will have been alienated in some manner or temporarily angered. Think about it - would you let your 5 year old go to the store by themselves, ride a bicycle through town by themselves, go around the block by themselves, smoke, drink alcohol, decide not to go to the doctor or school et al. Why would you think then this child can make a decision to reject a parent. It lacks logic and is a red herring. If a child rejects a parent there can't be many reasons. First look for a deliberate attempt to alienate - social workers are not qualified to determine if this has happened then look for abuse by the rejected parent. Even abused children seek the love of the abuser and do not out rightly reject the parent. Any one who states a 5 year old can make such a decision is very likely deliberately alienating the child and is the abuser.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Detroit News ~ Kids need both parents





MichDads Blog



Category: Custody

Posted by Larry Herren on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 4:13 PM

Kids need both parents

I make no apologies for being a shared parenting advocate. As a family therapist, I've understood for years that kids need both parents. But in 2003, the clinical benefits that are achieved for children in shared parenting and the negative outcomes that often result when a parent is under involved became even more meaningful to me when my son was born.

Yet with all the research and understanding, a minute few still try and argue that the need for shared parenting somehow changes in a divorce or never married dynamic. Unfounded rationalizations include "schlepping from one house to the other is burdensome for kids and they'll do better if they have one primary home." Fact is, most family therapists and research concludes that as long as the environment is safe, predictable and consistent, children do fine in multiple environments. However, they do poorly when the frequency of contact with their parent is restricted to a visitor status and the voids then created tend to be acted out in highly destructive ways.

As a valued family clinician once told me early on in my case, a child's need for a healthy attachment and loving relationship with both parents trumps any need for one residence, neighborhood, etc. It takes real time to develop and maintain that sort of relationship. I've seen this truth illustrated in my child's life. He spends equal time between two homes that are 30 miles apart but he's thriving in every way. Not surprising, children, like adults, define relationships by the frequency of contact and quality of time they spend with someone so regardless of a marital status, it requires a quantity of time to authenticate a parental role. If you're being challenged in your legal ability to achieve something to that end, retain an experienced family law attorney who understands what the Michigan Parenting Time Guideline states:

Michigan statutes recognize that when parents separate or divorce, their children's best interests are served by continuation of the parent/child relationship. So strong is this recognition that the law establishes a presumption that it is in the best interests of a children to have strong relationships with both parents. Therefore, parenting time should be of a frequency, duration and type reasonably calculated to promote a strong relationship between the children and parent. The children have a right to parenting time unless the court determines on the record by clear and convincing evidence that parenting time would endanger the children's physical, mental or emotional health [MCL 722.27a].

Calculating parenting time in a frequency, duration and type that promotes strong relationships between children and their parents. Sounds like a novel idea, certainly nothing that requires sophisticated clinical training or legal brilliance, yet this remains the single most controversial aspect of divorce. One reason why is that some parents continue fighting by trying to use children as pawns to control and hurt the other parent.

Make no mistake about it, taking a willing parent out of the mix of parenting will ultimately hurt and scar your children.

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Thu. 10/08/09 05:59 PM

KIDS NEED BOTH PARENTS

Larry, I totally agree with your statement, "Kids need both parents ! " The stateement can be backed up by numerous studies, Steve Nock, University of Virginia ,2008( Positive Economic effects of both parent namely father involvement), Philip Cowan, University of California,2009 ( reduction of parental stress, relationship quality, and reduction of children's problem behavior), Katherine Mitchell, Louisiana State University,2009 ( involvement improves well being ), and Lawrence Berger, University of Wisconsin-Madison,2008 ( Benefits to children in terms of child support compliance and financial contributions.

It is sad that many parents continue to relitigate cases that have been decided. Judges are empowered to protect children, they have the authority to protect them from parents that induce mental abuse continually by relitigating. At a minimum the moving party should cover all expenses including court costs and attorney fees for all the parties continuing to use the court as a battlefield for their own agenda. It is wise to look seriously at what one is trying to accomplish by relitigating. If one is continuing to fight and file motions, it may be wise to seek the help of a mental health professional for a complete mental health examination of competence to file motions ( One should rule out Mood disorders, Personality disorders, thought disorders and co-morbidities ). In California, when a party continues to relitigate full custody is given to the party that promotes the MOST time with the other parent. Another way of saying the same thing is that the party who files the most motions, interfering with the other parent and their time. By default and the order of the Judge, full custody goes to the parent who has to defend themselves from frivolous motions. In conclusion, a child needs both parents unless one parent is using the child as a weapon to sabotage that other parents relationship. If that is the case, the court should step in and order full custody to the parent that continues to be victimized by frivolous motions and assess court costs, attorney fees and child support obligations to the moving party who continues the fight !

Thu. 10/08/09 04:28 PM

Kids need both parents

Your post is an interesting and powerful argument that shared parenting orders should be the rule, rather than the exception. In most custody cases, both parents are willing and able to participate in shared parenting. It's a tragedy that so many parents, dads or moms, spend so much money and time fighting over their roles when their children are in need of both of them equally. It's also sad that the thousands of dollars they're spending on attorneys and court fees is money that could be used for other things like vacations with their kids, or sports and other extra calicular activities and obviously, with the rising costs of education it's money that could be put away for college.

AveryP, Harper Woods, MI

Absolutely! Shared parenting, by definition in the Michigan Parenting Time Guidelines and multitudes of research that conclude what common sense dictates, is presumed to be in the best interest of children yet it remains the exception rather than the rule in a majority of custody and parenting time orders. Trends are slowly, but absolutely, changing but when parents disagree, the system remains unnecessarily expensive and ripe for manipulation and that has to change.

Thanks for your comments,

Larry


http://apps.detnews.com/apps/blogs/dadsblog/index.php?blogid=527

Real Fathers for Justice had successful meeting with the Gender and Sexual Orientation Equality Unit for Northern Ireland







hughmccloy@googlemail.com

Tel: 07871503189

petermorris@mail2web.com

Tel: 077858631132

09/10/2009 – ref med: 012

Dear Sir / Madame

I am contacting your organisation on behalf of Real Fathers for Justice, we are a Direct Action Parenting Group, raising public awareness and applying pressure for long overdue changes in UK Family Law.

The 08/10/2009, a date that will be forever embedded in the history books of children's and fathers rights in Northern Ireland. Recognition of the hard work that has been done by RFFJ NORTHERN Ireland was finally recognised by the government.

RFFJ members Pete Morris and Hugh Mc Cloy met with Eileen Sung and her team in the castle buildings in Stormont, Eileen Sung heads the Gender and Sexual Orientation Equality Unit for the Northern Ireland Executive Office, and is responsible for coordinating and promoting policy work on gender and sexual orientation equality across the Northern Ireland Civil Service (NICS) and public sector bodies. Sung has recently been awarded a Fellowship under the prestigious global Fulbright Program that will enable her to conduct research at IRWG. Born and educated in Northern Ireland, she is eager to learn about American culture and how it compares to life in Belfast. Sung's research will focus on women's paid and unpaid work and the cultural and social influences that affect those choices, including the gender pay gap and work/life balance.

(Taken from the University of Michigan's institute for research on women and gender)



The meeting was a resounding success, it was undertaken that the research from RJJF concerning family law, domestic violence, divorce, child abuse, education, health and social issues will be addressed and feedback will be given to RFFJ on the issues raised. From this also we will be involved in consulting on policies that will be affecting the areas we highlighted and for the first time in the history of Northern Ireland a fully represented conference on the rights of children from a fathers perspective will be partially funded by the government and will take place in Belfast in the near future and will be hosted by RFFJ.


Further on from this Hugh Mc Cloy took the opportunity to have a quick meeting with the Human Rights Commission, what has happened today has set the wheels in motion for Northern Irelands to take the lead in all the issues highlighted by RFFJ and RFFJ will lead the way in leading Northern Ireland into parity in equality of rights in this country.


We entered this meeting looking for recognition of our research and left with three identifiable gains, it is a good day for families, for children for fathers and for mothers in that the Northern Ireland executive now have the ability to look into all issues surrounding family law objectively.


Quotes from the meeting


Pete Morris;


  • "The family courts need to be opened up, there needs to be control in the family courts, the judges need control, someone needs to keep records of exactly what's happening. It should not be a dip loc court a man should be able to go in and defend him(self) against false allegations in a family court"
  • "The family court is like a dip loc court one man decided your fate"
  • "a child forms a bond with both parents it comes down to the children should have rights, a child should have the human right to both parents"


Hugh McCloy;



  • "A victim is a victim, gender is no barrier, by denying a father refuge in domestic violence you are basically denying a child refuge, it is state sanctioned child abuse by leaving a child in the hands of an aggressive mother"
  • "Parental alienation needs to be looked in to by Northern Ireland as it is child abuse and there is something very wrong with this country if it is not"
  • "The amount of money that is being fired into family law and the amount of closures of hospitals cannot be acceptable in this day and age that money could be best spent on children when they are born. The maternity in Omagh is closed because of public cuts to run the family law court in Omagh probably costs ten times as much and yet it stays open that can't be in the best interest of a child"



Eileen Sung;


  • "Today is an opportunity for us to work through where you are coming from, maybe to clarify what you think and what your needs are as they may be two separate things"
  • "Surly there needs to be a set of principle around shared parenting and what are the rights and responsibilities and I don't mean financial responsibilities"
  • "We have opportunity we are here today to try and find where each other starting points are, there is going to be a limited amount of help and support for facilitation that we can give to you for the gender unit, in a sense in that we promote sitting around a table representative of men and women we encourage men and women to sit down together and I feel it would be great to have a man on our staff"


More quotes from the meeting are available and can be gained by contacting Hugh McCloy using the details provided. I will take this opportunity for the warm welcome form the gender equality unit and thank them for their time and for now what they will be doing to aid in children's rights.

Pete Morris – Regional coordinator Northern Ireland, Real Fathers for Justice

Hugh McCloy – Research and development officer, Real Fathers for Justice


"Today's problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them." ~Albert Einstein"

"Don't Worry Now" ~ Britt Nicole singing about her father

I'm not overly religious, as is the singer, but I suggest you have a look at this video of the song "Don't Worry Now" from a very talented performer, Britt Nicole, about her daddy. If you are a dad estranged from your daughter this is from a child who saw her family disintegrate at the age of 7. This is an acoustic version with an interview to give some background on how she felt about the loss of her dad and his relegation to a visitor. See the second video for some powerful orchestration.





This second video is fully orchestrated with lyrics. If you are a dad like me who loves his daughters deeply then make sure you have a tissue nearby. Its a powerful message from a child to her father.